Goodbye Gill
A lovely person This is the last photograph of me and Gill together. It was taken on Christmas Day 2009.
She radiates warmth, humour and beauty and, to look at her, you would never know that she was in the final stages of her long battle with cancer.
I will always treasure this picture, just as I will always treasure Gill.
Sometimes life is unbearably cruel, and what happened to Gill was cruel beyond words. Snatched away before her time.
There is no rhyme or reason.
A magic touch
Yet all is not sorrow and despair because Gill touched everyone she met in a way that most people can only dream of. She had a special quality that drew you to her and instantly made you feel at ease. She radiated kindness and gentleness but, equally, was no pushover. She had a will of iron, as demonstrated by the way she endured her often brutal cancer treatment.
Yet her first thought was always for others.
A special service
It was Gill's funeral on Friday. It took place at Peterborough Cathedral, the most beautiful setting you could imagine. The sun streamed through the stained glass windows making everything look golden and lighting up the faces of the mourners as they shed their tears, even before the service had begun.
And they had every right to shed them.
Gill was snatched away at the age of 39 - far too young and with so much of life still ahead of her.
A life less ordinary
But hers was a life lived to the full. Within those 39 years she achieved everything that most people wish for - and more.
She had a devoted husband, a loving family, including a much adored sister, and two beautiful children. She had a network of close friends and was loved by everyone who knew her.
She was very bright and studied History of Art at university, after which she followed a fulfilling career before choosing to give up work to become a mother - a role she excelled at.
And she married the love of her life, Duncan, whom she met at 16 and spent 22 happy years with.
Some people never know such love.
The saddest farewell
It was Duncan's words that made me cry the most. He said so many lovely and poignant things about her, but what I remember the most is that he said she was the first face he wanted to see in morning and the last face he wanted to see at night.
That she was his best friend as well as a wonderful wife and mother.
That he would miss her every day and always remember his 'brown-eyed girl'.
The emotion when Duncan spoke was palpable and we were all on a knife edge, willing him to get through the speech as he became choked towards the end.
But he made it through and I knew that I had witnessed something very special and very personal.
And that I would never hear a more sincere or heart-wrenching declaration of love.
All you need is love
Love was the major theme of Gill's funeral - love and forgiveness. The service was taken by Canon Baker and he somehow managed to make the service extremely personal, much of it directly about Gill, while also placing it within its relgious context.
He commented wryly that Gill wasn't terribly religious and 'didn't care very much for prayer'. But that the way in which she showed so much love to other people meant that she was 'closer to God than she realised'.
Think of me
Gill loved the cathedral. She said it was a place of beauty and calm - where she felt completely at peace. It was where she was married, where her children were christened - and where she said her final goodbye.
One thing Gill was certain of, was that love endured. It lasted forever. She saw the catherdral as symbol of permanence, something that would also always be there. And her parting gift was to remind us to think of her whenever we saw it.
Banana cake
Gill loved cooking and her speciality was making cakes. She was truly talented and her cakes looked as wonderful as they tasted. Her favourite cake was banana loaf cake.
So it seemed fitting that the Order of Service had the recipe printed on the back, together with the instruction to 'Enjoy!'
Gill's friends all made cakes for the refreshments after the funeral. They were served with sandwiches cut into precise triangles, as per Gill's instructions.
Of course the banana loaf cake was the first to go.
A life in pictures
There was also a photo album of Gill's life on display. Gill's sister Amanda and their friend Michael had somehow managed to put it together amidst all the grief and chaos that followed Gill's death.
The result was a triumph, professionally presented and beautifully bound in a goatskin cover with Gill's name embossed in gold on the front.
A work of art.
And a fitting tribute.
Gill's beautiful face smiled out from the pages which charted her journey from cheeky toddler through to sophisticated woman. The last picture showed her at her most radiant - skin glowing, soft brown eyes bright and alert and, of course, that smile.
I will remember Gill in so many ways, but it is her smile, her warmth, her kindness and her gentleness that I will remember the most.
The last word
Towards the end of the service, Amanda read a poem which she had chosen for Gill. Like Duncan, she barely made it to the end, but she read it with grace and sincerity. The words will stay with me always - and so will my memories of Gill.
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am in a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am in the gentle showers of rain,
I am in the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine in the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room.
I am in the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there. I do not die.
posted by Amanda at 11:21 AM
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