Lola's Art

Linework for Yong-Ha Kang by Atra Valentine, Lola's alter-ego

Lola's art just gets better and better. Here's one of her recent drawings.

Things That make Me Smile

There are lots of things that make me smile, but round robin emails are not usually one of them.

In fact I find them intensely irritating (as well as distracting) and usually hit the 'delete' button as soon as they land.

I'm supposed to be working - right?

However, I have to say that the one my friend Pauline sent me this week made me laugh so much, I not only read it all the way through but I forwarded it to two girlfriends as well.

I knew they would appreciate the sentiment.

Anyway, here it is in a slightly edited version is. See if you can relate to it, too.

If you can, you're definitely on my wavelength as indeed are my friends, Sue and Nic and, of course, Pauline. Go girls!

Girlie Wisdom

• Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.

• One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5lbs.

• My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.

• The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
  

• The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

• Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

• I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my knickers.

• Every 7 minutes of everyday, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.

• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

• Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like... 'You know, sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now, I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys. But I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!

• A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills...she has 14 kids but doesn't really care.

And my absolute favourite:

• The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him!

Calum's Success and Maxine's Revenge

Calum receives his GCSE certificates from the headmaster

Celebrating Success
On Wednesday we went to Calum's school for a presentation evening of GCSE and A level certificates.

It was a low key but lovely affair. It was good to see the students getting formal recognition and praise for all their hard work and achievements. It came in a very good week for the school as it had just had a fantastic OFSTED inspection, being given an 'outstanding' rating and also came in the Top 10 of state comprehensives in the UK in the new league tables published this week.

The headmaster said that there were many reasons for the school's success but that one of the key elements was the fact that the students thought it was 'cool' to succeed.

I think Calum and Lola will both succeed in whatever they choose to do and it was great to see Calum receive his GCSE certificates. My Mum came too, so that was special for her as well.

Don't Get Mad, Get Even!
I had a very amusing lunch this week with my friend from work, Maxine, who is leaving for pastures new. Having consumed several very large glasses of wine, she started to regale us with stories about a previous boyfriend who had cheated on her and had mocked her, saying that she'd never be able to get him him back. They were living together at the time which made it even worse.

Silly boy. He should have kept his mouth shut. Having behaved more than badly, he didn't even have the decency to feel any remorse.

So Maxine took matters into her own hands. She rounded up 'the girls' and told them to come over armed with whatever they felt was appropriate to wreak revenge on this two-timing toad. Here's what they did:

• Sewed up the sleeves of his beautiful Saville Row suits with minute stitches.
• Spread honey in the crotch of his boxer shorts
• Filled his socks with hundreds and thousands
• Put crushed up crisps in his sheets
  
• Hid alarm clocks all round the house, set to go off at different times

There were other things, too, which, sadly, I can't remember but, together, they had the desired effect.

Maybe he'll think twice next time he goes shooting his mouth off.

All I can say is, I think he deserved everything he got!

Since You've Been Gone

Dad's favourite flowers - roses and freesias.

Me outside the chapel

Peterborough Crematorium

20 Years' Ago
It is 20 years today since my Dad died of a heart attack.

20 years is a very long time and so much has happened since then, most importantly, the birth of Calum and Lola. My greatest regret is that he never knew his grandchildren - because he would have adored them.

Early Closing
So this morning I went to the crematorium for my ritual annual visit to look at the Book of Remembrance.

But somehow it all went wrong.

I was tired, so didn't get up as early as I meant to.

I had to call at Sainsbury's to buy some flowers and ended up wasting time looking round and then standing in a queue.

Which meant that we arrived just as they were locking the chapel. Apparently it closes at 12.30pm at weekends and on Bank Holidays, as if people have to ration their grieving to fit in with working hours.

I was more annoyed than disappointed.

Annoyed that the man I spoke to didn't show a bit of compassion and let me into the chapel for a few minutes.

Annoyed that I'd taken too long to get there and so missed the chapel by seconds.

Annoyed that this was the most significant visit, being the 20 year anniversary, and, potentially my last. Although I've said that before and still felt the need to go the following year.

It wasn't a wasted journey, though. I left his favourite flowers in a vase on the wall. They looked lovely in the sunshine.

I looked at the Book of Remembrance through the window - it had been turned round specially - and saw Dad's name there with the date of his birth and death. Even though I've seen it many times, it still makes my stomach lurch.

'Loved and remembered always' it reads. How true.

Still With Me
It seems strange that after 20 years you can still feel the physical presence of someone who has long been gone, but my Dad was a huge part of my life.

Death cannot diminish his love for me, nor mine for him.

I still feel close to him and can conjure him up in my mind at will. I can still hear his voice and picture him as clearly as if he were standing next to me.

He is still with me.

He always will be.