By the sea

Beach huts.

Bournemouth pier.

The funicular railway down to the beach.

Seafront hotels.

Joe by the sea.

Me by the sea.

Late afternoon light over the sea.

I'd never really been to Bournemouth before last year when Lola started studying there. Since then Joe and I have made several trips and got to know it quite well. It's a four hour drive so we usually stay over. Each time we try out a new hotel which is part of the fun. There are plenty to choose from and I always try and get a good deal. I hate paying full price.

We've been lucky so far but last time we were hugely disappointed. The location was good and the building itself was rather lovely, in a faded sort of way. But it was draughty and dirty and in definite need of a lick of paint. I was so cold I had to huddle under the bedcovers to keep warm.

We won't be going there again and perhaps it's not surprising that it's the cheapest one we've found so far. I guess you get what you pay for, but we didn't pay for a dirty carpet. We've already booked into a boutique hotel for our next trip. It looks very stylish - and clean - much more our sort of thing.

Bournemouth appears to have two predominant populations - students and pensioners - or people that look like pensioners. Nothing wrong with that, but it is very noticeable. The students keep it vibrant and the 'old' people keep it comfortable.

The thing I like most about Bournemouth is being by the sea. Our first hotel had a fantastic sea view which we really enjoyed, especially in the early evening light with the sun glinting on the water. There's also something magical about a huge expanse of sand. Bournemouth's beaches go on for miles.

There's also a pier, but like most piers it seems sad, a relic of a bygone age that has no real relevance to the modern world. We still paid our 50p to walk along it right to the end and stare out to sea. We were the only people there.

I really like Bournemouth. I like its compactness, its safeness (it feels safe anyway with all those pensioners!), its leafy avenues and its gardens.

But most of all I like the beach.

And being by the sea.

Time Passes

Dad's roses

Friday 6 January 2012 marked the 24th anniversary of my father's death. He died when I was 29.

It feels like yesterday. It feels like a lifetime.

The crematorium is an unlovely place but the chapel is where I can see his name written in the Book of Remembrance. I look at the words 'Loved and remembered always', admire the beautiful hand-written script and think of all the time that has passed since I lost him.

I always take roses. They were his favourite flower. They're mine too. He was a colourful, vibrant person so I took him brightly coloured flowers.

I'm always moved by the flowers and tributes left in the chapel, even though I don't know the people concerned. The tributes speak of love and loss.

I feel the loss of my father everyday.

I loved him a great deal and I will never forget him.

Time passes but love remains.

Friends Reunited

Me and my lovely Italian friend Susanna at Camden Lock market.

Calum with Susanna's children, Stefano and Sofia.

Me, Susanna and her husband Stratos.

Sometimes in life you lose touch with a dear friend with no way of finding them again.

My lovely Italian friend Susanna and I shared a house in Cambridge in the 1980s and became close. We parted on the best of the terms but lost touch after she returned to Italy. Over the years I tried to find her again and again but to no avail. In the end, I gave up hope of ever seeing her again.

So imagine my delight and surprise when one day a received a simple message on Facebook saying 'Amanda, sei tu?' (Amanda. Is it you?). Since that day two years ago Susanna and I have slowly rebuilt our relationship culminating with a visit to the UK by Susanna and her family where we finally met face to face after 26 years.

It's a sign of the strength of our friendship that we picked up exactly where we left off. We got on so well that, not content with one meeting, we went back to London for a second visit and spent a day with her and her family. Susanna and I talked non-stop. There was so much to catch up on.

Meeting up with Susanna has definitely been one of the highlights of the year, so much so that we're spending the new year together at her home in Luxembourg. It will be our frist visit and we're very excited.

Two friends have been reunited.

And we plan to stay that way.

Happy 21st Birthday Calum

Calum in the M & Ms store

Calum and me in Neal's Yard.

Calum with his special birthday dessert.

Lunch arrives at the Oxo Tower brasserie.

Lola, me and Calum on the South Bank

Calum's birthday presents

The key to the door
On Sunday 2 October, Calum turned 21. They used to call it 'The key to the door' but nowadays 18 is seen as the 'big' birthday. However, 21 is still a very significant milestone and we wanted to celebrate Calum's 21st in full and make it a day to remember - which is exactly what we did.

Good morning sunshine
Amazingly Calum's birthday fell on the one of the hottest days of the year. We awoke to glorious sunshine and it was like a summer's day, even though it was the beginning of autumn. We couldn't believe our luck. The sunshine, part of a freak Indian summer (which sadly only lasted a week) lifted people's spirits and brought smiles to their faces. We smiled all day.

Gifts galore
Although we had decided to give Calum cash for his birthday (what every impoverished student needs), we wanted to make sure that he still had presents to open on the day. We wrapped them in 21st birthday paper with matching tags and piled them onto the coffee table. Being a graphic design student, Calum appreciated the colour coordination. His eyes lit up when he saw them and he expressed delight and surprise - exactly the reaction we were after. We had to get up extra early as we were catching the train to London, but we didn't mind. It was all part of the occasion.

Sunny South Bank
After arriving in London we caught the train to Waterloo and walked along the South Bank to the Oxo Tower where we had booked lunch in the brasserie. There were people everywhere - taking boat trips, going on the London Eye, visiting the book fair or simply basking in the sun. There was a great atmosphere and it felt like being on holiday as there were so may tourists. All around you you could hear different languages - London at its multicultural best.

Lunch with a view
The Oxo Tower brasserie is situated on the eighth floor with stupendous views over the Thames and we were able to enjoy them to the full as the weather was nice enough to sit outside. The brasserie was busy but we were looked after very well by our lovely French waiter, Christopher. The food was fantastic - both delicious and beautifully presented. It really did taste as good as it looked. When Calum's dessert came, it had Happy Birthday written on it, a nice touch. It also came with two Harvey Nichols chocolate truffles. Christopher also took a photo of us all at the table and presented it to Calum in a special silver frame.

A spot of sightseeing - with added colour
After taking Lola to Waterloo to catch her train back to Bournemouth, Joe, Calum and I did some sightseeing. Our first stop was Neal's Yard with its beautifully coloured buildings followed by a visit the brightly coloured M & Ms store where we posed with cartoon characters. We also took a trip to Chinatown with its brightly coloured shops and lanterns.

Late afternoon saw us catch the train home from Kings Cross. Even the delays couldn't dampen our spirits.

It had been a perfect day - and a perfect birthday for Calum.

Happy 18th Birthday Lola

Lola with her surprise 18th birthday cake

Me, Lola, Joe and Calum in the hotel restaurant

Calum and Lola dressed for dinner

Lola lounging on the sun terrace.

Lola with the fantastic birthday card made for her by Joe.

Lola with her presents and gold bottle of Prosecco.

Lola at Pomepeii under the number 18 - very appropriate.

A significant birthday
On Wednesday 27 July, Lola turned 18.

We celebrated it in the beautiful Italian city of Sorrento. As a family we love Italy but had never been to the South. When we'd asked Lola where she's like to go to for her birthday, Italy was her immediate choice. She was very firm that she wanted to be in Pompeii, having studied Classics at A level and loved it.

So that's what we did. It didn't disappoint.

Ancient wonders
Nothing anyone tells you about Pompeii can really prepare you for the sheer scale and magnificence of it. It is truly breathtaking and we were awestruck by it. The sophistication and intelligence of such an ancient civilization was simply mind-blowing. Pompeii was also incredibly beautiful.

Gorgeous gifts
After Pompeii we headed back to the hotel where Lola opened her cards and presents on the hotel balcony. We'd wrapped everything in gold and had even found a gold bottle of Prosecco at the Duty Free shop at Gatwick so it all looked gorgeous.

We toasted Lola with the Prosecco, enjoying her pleasure at getting so many lovely gifts. Her best present was a Canon Digital SLR from her Grandma, Margaret. It was extra special as she'd died at the end of June. However, she wanted to make sure that Lola got something she really wanted, so we'd bought it in advance and she was really pleased. Lola (and Calum) used the camera to good effect during the holiday. We have the fantastic photos to prove it.

Joe made Lola a Mad Hatter card, in keeping with the theme of her birthday party at home. Lola absolutely loved it. She is lucky to have such a talented father.

Sun lounging
After the present-opening we went up to the sun lounge and did exactly that - lounged around in the sun, taking in the beautiful view. The Hotel Bristol where we stayed is extremely luxurious and in a wonderful location with stunning views across the Bay of Naples. We never tired of looking at it.

Birthday surprise
After soaking up the sun, we went back to our rooms to get ready for Lola's birthday dinner. We were given the best corner table by the window and enjoyed a delicious meal, served by attentive waiters under the guidance of the charming Matteo, our Maitre 'D.

When it came to dessert, we placed our orders as usual and were then surprised and delighted to see one of the waiters wheeling in a beautiful handmade cake bearing the legend 'Happy 18th Birthday'. The look on Lola's face was priceless. Everyone in the restaurant sang Happy Birthday and there were smiles and congratulations all round. It was very special - exactly what I wanted for her. It says a lot about the kindness of the staff at the hotel.

Birthday cocktails
We spent the final part of the evening in the cocktail bar where Lola and I had our favourite Kir Royale. It was a beautiful balmy evening and as we sat looking out over the bay at the twinkling lights of Sorrento with Mount Vesuvius in the background, I felt incredibly happy.

It was a truly wonderful day, one I will remember for the rest of the my life.

And so will Lola.

Happy 18th Birthday my beautiful girl.

Margaret (1929 - 2011)

Margaret as a young woman

Flowers from Calum and Lola.

Flowers from me, Joe and Alex.

Flowers from Colin, Cindy, Maddie and Emma.

Taken by surprise
My mother-in-law Margaret recently died of lung cancer.

It was a very aggressive form and when they diagnosed her, they warned us she had six to eight weeks to live. In the end, it was only four.

She had been ill for several months with other serious complaints so we knew she wasn't well. But the speed with which she declined took us all by surprise - and left us bereft when she died.

Nothing prepares you for losing someone you love, even when it is expected. And when that person is the last surviving parent, the scale and speed of the practicalities involved afterwards is a double blow. So much to do and so little time.

And to complicate matters further there was no will.

The call
The phone call came at three o'clock in the morning. I was asleep but woke instantly, knowing it would be bad news. And of course it was. What followed was a blur as I made phone calls to members of the family, looked up train times to London, got dressed and booked a taxi to the station. I'm used to commuting as I do it every day but I was quite surprised by the number of people who caught the 6.10am to Kings Cross. So was Joe.

We went to Margaret's flat and collected the things we'd knew we'd need for the death certificate. Thankfully, I'd looked up the information in advance and we'd found the documents in preparation. We just hadn't reckoned on needing them quite so soon.

The hospice
We couldn't go to the hospice until 10.00am and when we arrived it finally hit us that she'd really gone. The staff were very sympathethic but it was a surreal experience. We were asked lots of questions, including about the funeral, which we'd barely thought about. However, by the end of the day we'd set a date and put everything in motion. The saddest part was collecting her things.

The registrar
We had to register the death at Westminster Council and were lucky to get an appointment for later the same day. It's for birth, deaths and marriages so we were surround by babies in the waiting room and saw lots of people in their wedding finery. The steps were also covered in confetti. The registrar was very professional and took her time with us which we appreciated. We bought several copies of the certificate as we'd been told by the hospice it would be more expensive and complicated to do it later. It was a good tip.

The funeral director
Organising a funeral is a very stressful experience and the one thing you need from a funeral director is a sympathetic and helpful response. The first person I spoke to, 'Maggie', made it clear that she was 'busy' and could we go back on Monday? We'd told her we didn't live in London. However, we needed it done so I went along with her and said I'd call back when we had more info. When I thought about our conversation I felt angry. Not good enough.

So I rang another funeral director whose card we'd been given by the hospice and dealt with a lovely person called Carmel who immediately gave us confidence and said she'd be happy to see us that day. When we arrived, she literally gave us tea and sympathy and had already made some useful phone calls. We were definitely in capable hands. She talked us through the process so we knew what to expect - and were also aware of all the tasks that had to be completed in the next week. Choosing a coffin was the worst bit, but it had to be done and we settled on one that was elegant but not fussy. Just what Margaret would have wanted.

The mass
The sun shone on the day of the funeral, one of the hottest of the year. It made everything seem brighter and more hopeful. The flowers really stood out in the sunlight and looked beautiful.

The service was beautiful too, a traditional Roman Catholic Requiem Mass at the church where Margaret worshipped for over thirty years. Her faith was very important to her and it was very important to us that we gave her the funeral she would have wanted. Putting togther the Order of Service was a time-consuming and intense task but we all pulled together as a family. The children chose readings, her sister Rose suggested suitable hymns and the priest Father Howard checked everything to make sure it was correct.

It was a small, intimate service and very personal. Father Howard included facts about Margaret's life that I'd given him in a way that gave you a real sense of who she was - a loving mother and grandmother, a fiercely independent person, someone who was extremely proud of her Scottish roots and never lost her sense of identity as a Glaswegian. He also spoke of her kindness and generosity.

Calum and Lola did readings and so did Joe's cousin Kevin, who'd flown over from Canada, complete wth kilt. The children read clearly and with real feeling. Joe and I were extremely proud of them - and their grandma would have been too. Several friends and neighbours turned up to say a final farewell and it was good to see them as well.

The crematorium
After the mass there was a very short service at the crematorium which involved a long drive across London. The funeral cars were smooth and sleek and you felt as though you were cacooned from the outside world, looking out on everyday life but not part of it as there was something much more important taking place. I watched the expressions on some people's faces change as the hearse went by, but many didn't give it a second glance. I did a final reading at the crematorium. The audience was small but the words were heartfelt. They were my last goodbye to Margaret.

The meal
We didn't want a lot of fuss. Margaret was not a person for making fuss, so the family members, togther with our close friend, Paul, went for a meal at Le Mercury. It was where we took Margaret for her 80th birthday and where she'd been for meals with Rose and her husband Paul so it seemed fitting. It was at the meal that we finally started to relax knowing everything had gone according to plan and that Margaret had been given the funeral she deserved.

So rest in peace Margaret. You will be sadly missed by your family - your sons Joe, Colin and Alex, your daughters-in-law Amanda and Cindy and your grandchildren Calum, Lola, Maddie and Emma.

We will never forget you and all that you meant to us.

Gerda and Fire and Stone

Lola, Calum, me and Gerda in Fire and Stone - check out those pizzas.

Prost! (which means 'cheers' in German0

Lola, Calum, me and Gerda

I have a lovely Austrian friend called Gerda. We've known each other for thirty years and been firm friends throughout. We don't see each other that often but when we do, we pick up where we left off - the sign of a true friendship. Gerda is an English teacher and makes occasional trips to the UK with her students. So when she said she was visiting the UK recently, we jumped at the chance to go to London to meet up with her.

Gerda was exhausted after spending the day sightseeing with her students so the first port of call was to the cafe at the National Portrait for a much needed espresso. We then moved on to covent Garden where we wandered through the piazza, soaking up the atmosphere, complete with entertainers, until we reached Fire and Stone, our favourite pizza place in Maiden Lane. They make pizzas like no other I've ever tasted, each themed around a destination. I had an Athena which had olives, feta cheese and sundried tomatoes and was absolutely deliciious.

Fire and Stone was buzzing, as usual, so I was glad I'd booked a table. It's always busy as it's so popular and I'd learnt from previous experience that it's always worth booking.

We spent a very happy couple of hours there with Gerda and were sorry when we had to leave to get the train. We chatted non-stop and it was lovely to catch uo with each other's news. There was aso an impromptu English lesson as I provided Gerda with advice on a text she's doing with her students - Alice Sebold's The Lovely Bones.

I also gave Gerda a list of books I think she'd enjoy reading with Small Island by Andrea Levy at the top of the list. It's one of my all time favourite books.

When the time came to leave, we parted with hugs and kisses and an offer from Gerda to visit Austria whenever we wanted, so typical of her warmth and generosity. I'm sure it's an offer we will take her up on.

So, as the Austrians say, 'Bis bald', or in other words, 'See you soon.'