Red Roses for Dad

The Book of Remembrance

Red roses for Dad

The crematorium

On 6 January 1988 my father died. I still miss him everyday.

So Saturday saw me visiting the crematorium as usual.

This year Calum and Joe came with me which definitely helped.

Some years I'm in floods of tears. Some years I feel my eyes sting but the tears won't come. The sadness, though, is always the same.

This year I didn't cry, I simply felt a huge sense of loss.

It's the sight of his name in the Book of Remembrance. It always makes me catch my breath. I've been looking at it for nearly 20 years and it's still a shock. It means he's really gone.

Of course in my head I know he's not here anymore but in my heart he's still with me.

The fact that he died at such a bleak time of year means it's always cold and grey on the day I visit the crematorium.

Somehow that seems fitting.

The sombre setting reflects my mood.

This year I took red roses. At the funeral his wreath had red roses because roses were his favourite flower and red his favourite colour.

I wrote on the card: '19 years' gone, but loved and remembered every day.'

That says it all.