I Miss You Dad
Memories
Today has been a day of memories, both happy and sad, but mostly sad. It was 18 years ago today that my beloved father died, very suddenly, from a massive heart attack. He'd had the first heart attack between Christmas and New Year.
That's why I don't like New Year. For years, I simply went to bed and waited for it all to be over because it meant another year without my darling Dad. The night before he died, I drove back to London, where I was living then. I had a very bad feeling and I hated leaving him, but the hospital had said everything was fine and that he'd be out soon. They couldn't have been more wrong. Deep down inside I think I knew I was never going to see him again.
Bad News Made Worse
I heard about my father's death from some insensitive idiot at my stepmother's work who simply said: 'She's not here because Don's died'. I'd already said I was his daughter. He couldn't have been more cruel and I will never forgive him.
My sister came round to the office and we caught the train home together. We cried so hard, people moved so they wouldn't have to put up with our wailing. Tough. I cried so much that day, I pulled all the muscles in my throat, but I didn't care. My Dad was dead and that was all that mattered.
Does Time Heal?
Don't let anyone tell you it does. It simply puts distance between you and the person you've lost, but the pain for me has never gone away and never will. It's a good pain. It reminds you of how much you loved that person and the massive impact they had on your life. Of course, you learn to cope with the feeling of loss and it doesn't mean you'll never be happy again.
You still have moments of great joy. But a part of you is always missing and all that remains is the love you had and the memories you cherish. I still feel my Dad's love which was unconditional and all-embracing, even though I wasn't his natural daughter.
Seize the Day
When my Dad died at such a young age (59), it made me reassess my whole life. He died just four months after I'd got married. Ironically, my husband has the same birthday. He made the most wonderful wedding speech imaginable and everyone cried, especially me. Thank you for that Dad. It was the most perfect parting gift.
From that day I decided to get on with my life, to live each day to the full and make it count, and to cherish the people around me in the way that Dad cherished me. I also decided to start a family and my son bears my father's names - Donald William. Dad would have been tickled pink. He would have adored both my children and delighted in them, the same way he delighted in me.
I miss you Dad but I'll never forget you and I'll never stop loving you, just as you never stopped loving me.
Today has been a day of memories, both happy and sad, but mostly sad. It was 18 years ago today that my beloved father died, very suddenly, from a massive heart attack. He'd had the first heart attack between Christmas and New Year.
That's why I don't like New Year. For years, I simply went to bed and waited for it all to be over because it meant another year without my darling Dad. The night before he died, I drove back to London, where I was living then. I had a very bad feeling and I hated leaving him, but the hospital had said everything was fine and that he'd be out soon. They couldn't have been more wrong. Deep down inside I think I knew I was never going to see him again.
Bad News Made Worse
I heard about my father's death from some insensitive idiot at my stepmother's work who simply said: 'She's not here because Don's died'. I'd already said I was his daughter. He couldn't have been more cruel and I will never forgive him.
My sister came round to the office and we caught the train home together. We cried so hard, people moved so they wouldn't have to put up with our wailing. Tough. I cried so much that day, I pulled all the muscles in my throat, but I didn't care. My Dad was dead and that was all that mattered.
Does Time Heal?
Don't let anyone tell you it does. It simply puts distance between you and the person you've lost, but the pain for me has never gone away and never will. It's a good pain. It reminds you of how much you loved that person and the massive impact they had on your life. Of course, you learn to cope with the feeling of loss and it doesn't mean you'll never be happy again.
You still have moments of great joy. But a part of you is always missing and all that remains is the love you had and the memories you cherish. I still feel my Dad's love which was unconditional and all-embracing, even though I wasn't his natural daughter.
Seize the Day
When my Dad died at such a young age (59), it made me reassess my whole life. He died just four months after I'd got married. Ironically, my husband has the same birthday. He made the most wonderful wedding speech imaginable and everyone cried, especially me. Thank you for that Dad. It was the most perfect parting gift.
From that day I decided to get on with my life, to live each day to the full and make it count, and to cherish the people around me in the way that Dad cherished me. I also decided to start a family and my son bears my father's names - Donald William. Dad would have been tickled pink. He would have adored both my children and delighted in them, the same way he delighted in me.
I miss you Dad but I'll never forget you and I'll never stop loving you, just as you never stopped loving me.
posted by Amanda at 12:20 PM
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